Right guys, in the second part of my how to have a first date series, I discuss conversation tips, how to touch her, and why touching is so important.
If you missed part 1, it can be found here.
What Do I Talk About?
From my experience, you should talk less than she does. ⅔ (her) to ⅓ (you) is a good ratio. What you say should be a mixture of open ended questions/’high gain’ questions and statements. You should also repeat back to her some of what she’s told you. REMEMBER to lead the conversation. Even if she’s doing 90% of the talking, as long as she’s talking about the topics you’ve brought up, responding to the statements you make, and answering your ‘high gain’ questions, you are LEADING the conversation.
A practical example below:
I went on a date a few weeks ago with a hottie who I met whilst waiting for my dinner, and banged later that week. She told me she had a geeky side to her. When we met up for our date, the very first thing I said to her was both a question and a statement.
‘I thought about what you said the other day, so went on Google and did some homework. I’m still confused as to what the difference between a geek and a nerd is. From your perspective, what is the difference?’
That one statement/question alone took us on a 10 minute long tangent, and resulted in me finding out about her geekier side (even though she trains for 14+ hours per week and looks like a fitness model). That one statement/question also led me to find out about what got her into fitness, and why she has such a geeky side. Other information I got from that one statement/question included her childhood, high school days, her previous profession, and other information which I’ll keep confidential for privacy reasons.
After I heard her cool story, I essentially repeated back to her what I heard:
‘You definitely own your geekiness. I’m sure you catch many people off guard when you share this side of you with them’.
That statement there then led us down another tangent, and me finding out about what people normally think of her, but more importantly, it segued into her PAST RELATIONSHIPS and SEX TALK.
If you learn nothing from this article, apart from how to transition friendly/flirty conversation into SEX TALK/PAST RELATIONSHIP TALK, then 50% of my job is done.
I will post an article later on why I believe it’s important to talk about her past relationships and sex talk.
Summary of the above (for the TLDR)
- Lead the conversation, but ask open ended questions/’high gain’ questions
- Make statements
- Paraphrase back to her what she told you
- Segue the conversation towards her past relationships/the topic of sex
That’s right gents, if you’re not touching her, you’re essentially shooting yourself in the foot and signing yourself up for a whole world of pain (metaphorical).
Touching her is important for various reasons:
- It helps you gauge where the interaction is at
- It conveys a clear message about your intentions
- It puts the interaction WAY outside any possibility of going into friendzone
- It segues into other things very nicely, such as making out, heavy petting, biting, and eventually sex – trying to kiss a girl after a painfully long date with ZERO touching is about as useful as a solar powered torch
- It conveys your masculine energy – trust me on this guys, there’s nothing women hate more than a timid man. Again there are exceptions, but who cares about the 1% that like a timid man? Do you want to be the little bitch that gets allowed to cum by some overbearing feminist, or do you want to be the man who consistently dates/has sex with attractive women?
- It mitigates hours and hours of wasted time. Does the situation of spending a shitload of time with a particular girl you’ve liked for years, then finally manning up to tell her how much you like her, only to have her tell you ‘I thought we were best friends’, then going on to date some asshole douchebag guy, then getting her heart broken and coming to you to cry about it, then still not dating you sound familiar? DON’T BE THAT GUY.
- It turns her on (if you do it right) – most guys underestimate how powerful touching a girl in the right way, on the right spot is (and I’m not talking about erogenous zones)
- It gets them more comfortable when you touch her on her erogenous zones later
Ok enough about the benefits of touching her. The suggestions below only reflect what I’ve used successfully. I’m sure my way is not the only way – it’s just the way I’ve found to be most effective.
During the date, I aim to start touching her within 10 – 15 minutes of sitting down with her IRRELEVANT of where the venue is. This means whether it’s at coffee, or at a bar, or at dinner (even though I’d strongly recommend against taking a girl out to dinner on the first date, which I’ll explain in a later article), or at the beach, or just sitting in the park.
When you touch her, 95% of the time you should default to touching her hands and fingers on the first instance. I would typically reach for her hands midway through a conversation, preferably while she is still talking, pick it up, and just start playing with it/stroking it. You can also intertwine your fingers with hers, kind of like when people are holding hands.
Depending on how she reacts, you can decide whether to keep going or pull back (then try again in about 5 minutes). Typically if you’ve done everything right leading up to this point, she is very comfortable with you touching her, and would usually start reciprocating/playing with your hands, or if your fingers are intertwined, she would hold on/squeeze them.
From there I would suggest touching these other 3 areas (in whichever order you like). Legs/thighs and inner thighs, playing with her hair, and her shoulder area (from shoulders themselves to her upper back, behind the neck, etc.).
If she’s comfortable with you touching these, then it means you should either:
- End the date there without even suggesting a second date (leave her wanting more), then text her 1 – 2 days later and pitch a second date at your house
- Go for the make out and then end the date there or just a lil bit after, and pitch a second date at your house
- Go for the make out and try to take her home (much higher failure rate than options a & b)
- Take her home and make out with her there, and then take it to the obvious next step (much higher failure rate than options a & b)
DO NOT PROLONG THE DATE – I cringe everytime I hear my friends following some retarded PUA/dating advice, written by guys who clearly do not get laid or know what they’re talking about. If she is comfortable with you touching her all over then it means you should take the interaction further
Summary of the above (for the TLDR)
- Start touching her within 10 – 15 minutes of the date starting
- Always default to her hands to start (for the less experienced guys)
- Once she’s comfortable with you touching her hands, go for the thighs, shoulders, and play with her hair
- The date should not take any longer than 1 – 1.5 hours – do not prolong the date unnecessarily
- Once you have a sense of where she’s at/how comfortable she’s with you touching her, take the interaction to the next level or end it there, and book a second date at your house
‘But Shanghai Bobby, I’m nervous that if I touch her and she isn’t into me, I’ll fuck the whole thing up, and then I’LL NEVER HAVE HER!’
If she wasn’t into you to begin with, no amount of ‘game/[insert idiot PUA theory here]’ will automatically make her ‘into you’. A woman has decided within the first 5 minutes of meeting you/talking to you/knowing you, whether she’ll sleep with you or not. The beauty of physical touch is that it weeds out the ones who don’t want you, from the ones who do, thus helping you invest your time in a smarter way.
‘But Shanghai Bobby, what if I offend her by touching her and I lose her forever?’
This scenario is EXTREMELY unlikely, unless you’re retarded. If you touch the girl and she isn’t into it, try once more in 5 – 10 minutes, and if she still isn’t into it, just end the date and go book some more dates. More often than not, she’s most likely still getting comfortable with you.
‘But Shanghai Bobby, I’ve known this girl for a while and she knows all of my friends, what if she tells everyone I’m a creep’
Then you should hit on girls who aren’t in your social circle. Grocery store, walking down the street, clothes shopping, at the bar, at the gym, ANYWHERE. There are 3.65 billion women on this planet – do you REALLY need to try sleep with this particular one? Is she REALLY that special???
‘But Shanghai Bobby, what if I creep her out by talking about sex?’
See the answer above.
‘But Shanghai Bobby, I feel like such an asshole booking so many dates. I don’t want to be a player, I want a girlfriend!’
I can sure as shit say that she has AT LEAST 2 – 6 other guys she’s actively texting/hitting on her. This is not the 1950’s anymore gentlemen. Women have the same rights as men and they’re exercising their rights to the fullest. Do you truly think an attractive women will say no to free attention, free drinks, and possibly free expensive dates/dinners just because she has a date with you?
‘But Shanghai Bobby, you advocate asshole behavior! Women are tired of assholes, my girl mates complain to me all the time about what an asshole her last guy was!’
Are you having sex/dating her right now? Why is she complaining to you about what an asshole her ex was rather than having sex with you? What I advocate for is firm and masculine behavior, because attractive men are busy men. By all means, feel free to go on a bunch of dates with her and try pull the trigger after 2 months, then come back and tell me what happens.
There are probably about a million other common scenarios, but the fundamental principles of what to do on a first date remain the same throughout.
In summary, the first date has absolutely nothing to do with making the girl like you, because 9 times out of 10, she already does. The other 1 time out of 10 she is only meeting you because she wants attention/wants a friend, and the sex talk/physical touch aspect of this guide will weed her out. The whole point you’re there is to feel out how ready she is to sleep with you/date you, which helps you better understand when to pull the trigger.
Women are not stupid gentlemen, when you touch them, they have a clear idea why – you can’t seduce the unwilling, and you can’t sleep with the unwilling either, unless you’re a rapist, in which case you should jump in front of a speeding train.
This guide is definitely not fool-proof. It took me well over 200 failed dates to get to the point where I can consistently sleep with 1 – 2 new attractive women per month, and date anywhere between 1 – 3 women on the regular (on and off), in uncommitted relationships. Much like anything you do in life, success is a result of good process + trial and error. To this day I still make mistakes and botch dates up/pull the trigger too quick/take the girl home but she just won’t sleep with me – that’s why you should also account for things not to work out, and book multiple dates later that day/week.
And for all you girlfriend hunters, this method works for getting a monogamous long term girlfriend, so you can both live happily ever after.