How To Text A Girl

‘Hey Shanghai Bobby, what do I text her?’ Asked one of the guys who lives with me.

‘What do you mean?’ I replied.

‘You know, I got her number so now I have to text her something super witty, make her laugh, and get her to think I’m an absolute boss so she’ll come on a date with me!’ He said excitedly.

‘Shouldn’t you have done all of that before you got her number?’ I asked.

He looked confused. ‘Bro, come on man, stop holding out on me! Text game bro!’ He exclaimed. ‘I wanna score some mad hotties! How did you get that Swiss girl to come meet up with you?’

‘I just told her to come catch up with me’ I chuckled.

‘Bullshit bro, don’t be a dick!’ He was clearly getting a bit frustrated, thinking I was withholding some secret national treasure, able to “Make any girl like you” or “Make her go completely wet for you” or [insert some phony PUA/crappy dating company guarantee here].

‘OK, OK!’ I paused, while giving him the most serious look I could muster up, without bursting into hysteric laughter. ‘I’m going to show you the holy grail of all holy grails, the secret to scoring mad hotties’ I continued, with a stern look and stoic tone of voice. ‘I’m gonna go one step further – I’m gonna to show you.’

‘REALLY?!?!?’ He nearly fell out of his seat in excitement, as I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

‘But before I do, you have to promise me one thing.’ I continued. ‘This is the most awesome shit on the planet, and it should be worth at least $1,000,000. So you’d better keep it a secret, and NEVER EVER tell anyone.’

‘OK I PROMISE!’ He couldn’t get the words out of his mouth fast enough.

As promised to him and to you my fellow gentlemen, here is the holy grail in its entirety:

‘WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!’ He looked so confused, and was almost offended. ‘You don’t fucking text any of these girls anything that special. You’re just texting them a time/day/place to meet up!!’

That there gentlemen, that shit is the holy grail. SAVE THE GAMING FOR IN PERSON. If you have done everything right when you approached the girl, then it doesn’t matter (within reason) what you text her. Now obviously if you’re a complete idiot and text her: ‘I WANT TO FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE PUSSY’ (or something retarded), then she 99.9% won’t meet you, and unless you’re a complete idiot, the likelihood of you texting something that retarded to her is negligible.


Let’s think logically and rationally here guys. What do you think leaves a longer lasting impression, a greater impact, and a more meaningful memory? 140 characters on her little smartphone screen, or a well dressed, well groomed, athletic, dominant, masculine, deep voiced, and confident man?

And for all you nitpickers out there, yes you can write a whole essay to her, comprising of some super interesting story that even Stephen King would approve, but then we start to get into the realm of time vs. yield ROI. Plus, do you think a guy who has his shit together, is super busy, lives a fucking cool life, and is already dating attractive women would have time to text novel after novel to some girl, who isn’t even sucking him off?

Your Options

I don’t know about you guys, but I’d MUCH rather spend 5 hours meeting 15 – 20 women, getting 5 – 7 phone numbers, texting ALL of those numbers to catch up using a simple and time effective copy + paste opening message, and arranging a day/time/place to catch up, expecting only a 30 – 50% success rate;


Spending 5 hours texting gaming this one girl until the cows come home, make baby cows, and they grow up and come home, only to have her radio silence me when pitching the meetup, agreeing to meet up and cancelling, or agreeing to meet up and not showing up, or agreeing to meet up, showing up, then be not DTF.

‘But Shanghai Bobby, if your text game is strong, she would never flake on you and always agree to meet with you. And if your game is tight, she will 100% fuck you after you do this [insert idiot PUA routine here] correctly! You’re just useless!’

She has already decided within the first 5 minutes of first meeting you, whether she likes you and wants to meet up with you again, and possibly sleep with you. And the fact of the matter is, there truly is NO WAY to be 100% sure where she is at, thus it is absolutely important to mitigate your single point of failure with adequate pipeline cover; at least 300% cover. E.g. if you want to have sex with one girl from cold approach, you should book at least 3 dates.

‘Bullshit Shanghai Bobby, you’re not a real PUA/seducer. I’m going to follow [insert idiot pickup coach’s name here] and buy his rejection proof, neuroscience backed text game book for $50 and get a 100% success rate.’

That’s right, I’m not some PUA/seducer – I never claimed I was. I’m just offering free advice to guys like me (when I was younger), who want to be more successful with their lives, love lives, and careers.

While you’re busy writing 50 shades of [whatever your name is] to that cute girl you met at the [insert location here], she or any one of 4 – 6 other girls will be out with me, and 1 – 2 of whom I’ll be fucking later that week/the week after.

What if she doesn’t text you back?

You cut your losses and move on. That’s why I recommend having at least 300% pipeline cover for every 1 girl you want to take on a date.

If you really must get this one particular girl out on a date with you (god knows why), and she doesn’t text you back, I’d recommend firing off one (and by one, I mean ONLY one) super entertaining/fun text to get her attention. If she still doesn’t text back, you move on.

Or if you can go buy some PUA/’dating guru’s’ book on how to ‘never get rejected ever again’ or ‘get any girl you want, even if she has a boyfriend’, or [insert some bullshit guarantee here].

My recommended ‘hail Mary’, last ditch effort text messages are:

  • Not thirsty I take it? Use this if you’ve asked her out to a drink, which in most cases I don’t use, because I’m a cheap sack of shit who doesn’t like spending money on women before I sleep with them;
  • Or
  • Dear Diary, I think girl got lost at sea. Considering sending out a pack of rescue dolphins (Aeaeaewaewaeoooooaiiieiaaaaa – dolphin call)

So, in summary

  • Make sure your approach and initial interaction with her is solid
  • Always have 300% pipeline cover for every 1 woman you want to take on a date
  • Invest your energy in net positive time/effort ROI activities
  • Save the novel writing for J K Rowling and Stephen King
  • Don’t fuck around – text her a dominant but still respectful message to catch up. E.g. Hi [insert name here], let’s catch up/get a drink [insert day here]. Meet me outside the [insert location here]
  • If she doesn’t text back, move on, or if you must, send a ‘hail Mary’ last ditch effort text, then move on

And if you don’t want to do anything I recommend, sign up for Tom Torero’s PUA course – I’m sure he pulls mad hotties!

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